As I said in my last post this is my story that very few people know.
Not
long after the birth of our son, we again were so overjoyed with the
news of another little one. We did not plan for our children to be so
close together but were happy that God was blessing us again. We soon
found out that our joy was to be tripled!!! Yes, I was pregnant with
triplets. What most people don't know is that after the birth of a child some woman have hyper-ovulation, which basically means you can get pregnant with multiples easier. We where trilled but terrified because the reality was we
would have FOUR little ones under one (Proton would be just under one
when they would be due). The other terrifying thing was that this would
be a high risk pregnancy, especially with my past. I tried to enjoy
this pregnancy because my only thought was this would be my last
pregnancy, five children (one heavenly) was definitely enough for us.
At 9 weeks, I went to the doctor due to spotting. We got the
devastating news that there was only two heartbeats...the doctor also
prepared me that this may only be the beginning. I begin to grieve for
the one we lost but also prayed fervently for the two I was still
carrying. At 10 weeks, I went in for another follow-up and there were no
heartbeats. I was so angry with God at that point. I didn't
understand why we had to go through this again and on top of it losing
three at one time. It was then that God reminded me of the verses I had
leaned on before and I knew that it was not for me to understand but
that His plan would be made clear in His time.
It took me a really long time to think about have more children because going through all this was difficult and at times I wasn't sure I could handle it again. Eventually I realized it wasn't able me being able to handle it, it was about me trusting God to handle it. I had to remember that I didn't have to carry this burden and so we gave it over to God. Soon after that I became pregnant again. All the same feelings came again, the fear, the joy and the grief but I did not want to take any of the time I had with this little life for granted. Unfortunately my time with this little one was short. I lost my sweet child at 10 weeks.
You may ask why am I sharing all these painful memories. The answer is my hope is that I can be a comfort to someone that is going through this or has been through this. My hope is to let you know that you are not alone. You may feel so alone but God is right there ready to hold and comfort you. God grieves over your child too! In the perfect world he created there was no death and no pain but one day we will have the hope of that again: no more pain and no more death! I have the peace to know that one day I will meet my children in heaven and O what a glorious day that will be. I also now know how this pain can become something good: a way to help others.
It's seems like my post are always longer than I expect so my next post will be about what I feel so many Christians are afraid to talk about...infertility.
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